Salty Sea Hags

It's been a long, hard salty summer. I've felt my face wither from the wind and the tide. I don't know what will become of me. All I know is that for us Sea Hags, it's only going to get longer and harder...and saltier.

My Photo
Name:
Location: Snake's Lair, Ivy Sea, Pitcairn Islands

I need help down here.

Friday, October 28, 2005

Horse Shark

I remember now...
It was you in my dreams...
Why did you sweat so much?
And give people advice,
so much?

No one asked your opinion,
and no one cared!
We didn't need a Horse Shark to tell us
that we were being un-fair!

No pun-intended
But you were a real NAG
And all this coming from a withered old hag.

But after the day is done
And we've lost touch.
One question still lingers...
Why did you sweat...
so much?

seriously.

Wednesday, October 26, 2005

Dear Anonymous,

You asked what the difference between a "witch" and a "sea hag" is...
Well, basically... witches are tricky and evil and can be young or old. Sea hags are evil hags that live in caves at the bottom of the sea. They have hard lives, trying to hunt and murder and raise children. I know you think that your curiosity is endearing, but it only makes me want to burn you, and keep you.

Best,
Dr. Hag

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Op-Ed/Op-Art

















***
Dear cartoon-drawing-witch,

You look like a sea hag.

snakes & lions,
plaza

Thursday, October 20, 2005

The Bush Witch Project

President George W. Bush w/ newly appointed political Hag Harriet Miers...
SUPREME COURT HAG.

Wednesday, October 19, 2005

Come on, guys...

Is it really punishing Saddam to put him in a huge playpen with all of his friends??

Tuesday, October 18, 2005

Hags Against War

I don't normally keep up with the news, except when it has to do with old people and hags. And yesterday my wildest dreams came true...

***
"Manhattan - Eighteen anti-war grandmothers were arrested and face disorderly conduct charges after they showed up at a military recruiting centre in Times Square saying they wanted to enlist.

Police arrested the women, ranging in age from 49 to 90, after they sat down on Monday in front of the recruiting station to protest the war in Iraq, police said.

When the women, including Marie Runyon, who is 90 and blind, tried to enter the station, they found it locked, said Joan Wile, 74, director of Grandmothers Against The War.

"We tried to ring the bell at the booth, but no one answered," Wile said. "I saw a head poke up from behind the counter every once in a while and then duck back down. I don't know what they were afraid of. Maybe they don't know how to deal with a bunch of grannies." (Newsday 10/18/05)
***

It's too bad they missed the real story behind this... these hags were witches! Liberal Witches!

either way they were hags,
plaza

Friday, October 14, 2005

Extreme Makeover: Hag Edition

ABC is looking for new homes for EXTREME MAKEOVER. I filled out my application and sent it in yesterday!!

Here are the pictures I sent them of my snakes lair cave!












And here is a highlight from the application I submitted to ABC! Cross your fingers and raise your brooms....

***
PART 1) - YOUR FAMILY’S INFORMATION

TODAY’S DATE:
10/14/05
Family Name: Hag
Address: Ivy Sea, Snake's Lair, Pitcairn
City: Ivy Sea State: ? Zip: 666
Home Phone:
howl 3 times, wave a rat's tail
E-mail: saltyhag@hotmail.com
Marital Status:
I am a widow, I put a spell on my husband (a Merlock) and he died.

List ALL members of household (Including Yourself):
Name Birthday Relationship Occupation One-Word Description
1. Me -
I am a Sea Hag, I am starting to get good at the internet and hunting sharks
2. Josh - a nice boy, starting to get into girls, hates me
3. Snakes and Serpents -
evil murderers

Education:
High School / Some College / College Degree / Graduate Degree
witch school
Employment Status (choose one):
Full Time / Part Time / Unemployed / Disabled / Student
hunting snake corpses/ being a hag

Approximate household income:
Less than $10,000 - X
$10,000 – $50,000
$50,000 – $100,000
More than $100,000

Is anyone in your household members of any theatrical unions (AFTRA, SAG,
etc.)? Y / N
???

Any previous TV appearances (list title/date):
I applied for VH1's "In Search of the Partridge Family" Reality TV Show. I made it to the second round by singing "So Far Away" by Carol King. However, I didn't get on because there were no hags on that show originally. Or demon witches.

Have you been or are you involved in a lawsuit?
No. But I put a spell on a sand shark for stealing sting ray flesh out of my cave. Which was against the law.

;TTARGET STORIES


Tuesday, October 11, 2005

SATAN CLAUS

Burn in Hell, Bath and Body Works
IT'S NOT EVEN HALLOW'S EVE YET!!!
(image posted 10/7/05)

Geena Davis: Commander in Witch

Why are you so tricky and magical? Stop seducing me into watching your show. Don't you remember that movie you did with Michael Keaton? You think you can run the free world with your pouting lips and your smoky gaze. Take me with you and we can-
Whats that?
It was called Speechless.
...I knew you wouldn't remember.

Monday, October 10, 2005

Another Poem for My Son

I'm Sorry I was Late, that Time after Basketball Practice
How did it feel, Josh?
To sit there that long.
Did people care? Did people stare?
Because I was not there?

You can't change some things.
And you can't turn back time.
No matter how much,
you wish you weren't mine.

I gave birth to you down here.
I gave birth in the tides...
Look carefully, Josh, you have my eyes...

Friday, October 07, 2005

Microsoft Excel Gypsy



The only thing false about this picture... is that cat and my smile.

Thursday, October 06, 2005

Ebay Witches and Tricks

Fine...sometimes I google my own name. It's not a crime, okay? But what I discovered to be the 6th Search Result is more then a crime....it's a wicked spell so ghastly and salty that even I can't undo it.

Click here (& scroll down) if you dare...
CURSE OF THE EBAY COAT

Someday, I will find this "sally" or
"ebay member 1241" -------->
and I will spit on her skull and pour bats in her hats!!!!!

I WAS NEVER IN YOUR PLAY OR IN YOUR SATAN COATS, SALLY!!! BBURN IN HELLLL!!!!!!

Dunkin Donuts

I guess they just opened one down here. I can't do anything in the mornings without my coffee. Seriously, I am a zombie without caffeine in the morning.I changed my hair....again, yes I know.

demons, coffee and hags,
Aubrey

Sunday, October 02, 2005

Not Funny


SSSSssssomeone sssssent this to me as sssssome sssssort of joke. Whoever it was will burn in ssssserpents hell!!

Spell Journal 2

Two days ago, I put a spell on a sunken canoe and turned it into the ghost of my father.

CORPSES AND DEVILS AND HAGS BURN IN HELL,
Aubrey


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